Nobles Parents' E-Newsletter

February 2014

Nobles Parents' E-Newsletter February 2014

Teaching Students Balance by Ben Snyder, Head of Upper School

Sundays for Nobles teachers and students are different than Sundays for most in America. While many attend religious services, sleep late, savor Sunday newspapers, linger over another cup of coffee or line up sporting events to watch, Nobles teachers and students have plenty of work to do as well: preparing for classes and tests, correcting (or writing) papers or catching up on work missed in the previous week.

Yet on a recent Sunday morning, I found myself in the Nobles hockey rink watching a handful of our Nobles hockey players work with almost 60 disabled kids and adults in an ongoing sled hockey partnership with the UNH Northeast Passage youth development program and the Wounded Warriors Foundation.

Earlier in the week on Martin Luther King Jr. Day over 160 Nobles community members and many varsity athletes spread out on campus and around Boston to honor Dr. King with a day of service. Hardly a day goes by at Nobles without some reminder of Nobles students pursuing their own vision of our mission of “inspiring leadership for the public good.”

At a school with the academic strength and talent of Nobles, there are spoken and unspoken expectations that our students will be stretched and achieve at a high level. Teachers work hard to provide challenging and interesting classes. Students labor to meet high standards. Parents hope for their children to make the most of what Nobles has to offer and create options moving forward. The temptation is very strong to focus primarily on those outcomes.

During the last school year, Nobles partnered with the Making Caring Common Project at the Harvard Graduate School of Education to take a closer look at our school climate and the challenges for young people to balance their desire to achieve at a high level, treat others well, be happy as well as "do good" out in the world. What we have learned is that our students really struggle with this balance. They yearn for guidance in negotiating what they perceive as tension between high achievement, being a person of character and generous spirit and simply being happy and content in their lives.

We hope students learn that one does not need to choose between these things but they need some help and support in understanding that complexity from the adults in their lives. As teachers and parents if we focus too much on achievement, our children and students often see that focus as pulling away from how we treat others and interact compassionately in the world. As adults if we are most interested in just making sure our children are happy, we will neglect the importance of developing strong character and personal resilience.

When I was watching sled hockey on that cold Sunday morning, I saw not just how happy our guests were but how proud the Nobles kids were in contributing to the effort and how happy that made them. I also knew that once sled hockey was over, they’d be heading home to settle down to some schoolwork. In many ways, their day reflected much of what we hope for in our students: a seriousness of purpose with their schoolwork, a desire to help others, treat others well and live lives of strong moral character and to take real joy and satisfaction from that balance.

We hope that as your child makes his or her way through Nobles, you can find the appropriate moments to acknowledge the tensions that kids understandably feel and affirm (and model) for them the importance of learning how to lead lives where they do well, do good, and enjoy life’s journey.

Foster Gallery Exhibition by Photojournalist Ted Jackson

Feb. 24–April 4, 2014
Thursday, Feb. 27, 2014, 5-7 p.m.
Visually Speaking: Photojournalism by Ted Jackson

We are excited to bring photojournalist Ted Jackson to Nobles for an exhibition at Foster Gallery. Ted has been a staff photographer for the New Orleans Times-Picayune since 1984.  He has won a Pulitzer for his work in 1996 and 2006, covering such diverse issues as the Katrina disaster, slumlords in the city, and the crisis in world fishing stocks.  We are pleased to bring his work to the Nobles community.

Learn more about Jackson and see samples of his work. 

This Can't be Normal! by Jen Hamilton, School Psychologist/ Licensed Educational Psychologist

I can't properly express how often I get calls from concerned parents who feel that their young teen's behavior is simply not normal. 

"Why does my son lock himself into his room all of the time?"

"She won't talk to me in the car anymore, she just puts her headphones on and ignores me!"

"Why does he use such a rude and sarcastic tone with me or just give one-word answers when I ask about his day?"

"My daughter seems disgusted with me all of the time... we used to be so close!"

Parents worry that their children have become depressed, belligerent, or anti-social and they are often shocked to hear that actually their kids are delightful at school!

How can this be? 

The simple answer is twofold:  First, we all have our "private" selves and our "public" selves.  When kids are at school, they expend tremendous energy focusing, concentrating, fitting in with peers, being respectful to teachers, being good. 

When they get home, they can finally let their hair down and relax. Ideally, our children know that they are unconditionally loved so this is their time to stop trying so hard.

Think about it... how do you act at home?  Are you equally polite to your spouse and children as you are at a business dinner or a job interview?  Don't worry that your child's behavior at home is representative of his or her behavior at school: It isn't!

Secondly, the tween/teen years are a time of individuation and identity formation. It is your child's job to separate from you. She must do this in order to safely gain the confidence to grow up, make mature and responsible decisions, and eventually leave home. The painful part of this is that she probably no longer wants to sit on the couch and watch "Modern Family" with you. She would rather be in her room texting her friends and may generally make you feel that you are the least cool person around. Be assured, this is all normal.

Of course, there are times when some firm limit setting is necessary (for instance, blatant breaking of family rules or physical aggression).  And there are times when you should be concerned and seek professional help such as if your child suddenly becomes very disengaged from his or her friends, loses interest in activities that he/she used to enjoy, or is engaging in self-harming behaviors.

I would like to offer a few small bits of comfort as you buckle your seatbelt for this bumpy ride. First of all, if you can adjust your expectations, steel up your hurt feelings and remind yourself that much of this behavior is all normal (and necessary) teenaged development, it will make it a lot easier to swallow.

One suggestion is to find something that your kid might find hard to pass up such as a weekly trip to the frozen yogurt shop just with you. No siblings, no smartphones or other distractions and just create a space for them to talk. If they want. Don't expect too much and you certainly don't need to grill them for information, but if you open yourself up and let them guide the conversation... they just might give you a tiny nugget of connection to keep you going until the next week! 

In a recent conversation with another psychologist he was describing the transition of relationships with children as they become adults. He explained that the teenaged years are NOT an accurate representation of how your relationship with your kid will be forever.  Think about an earlier time when you enjoyed a really positive relationship with your child such as ages 6 to 9 that seem to be a sweet spot when your kids want to spend time with you. Now fast-forward to when he's an adult, your adult relationship with your kid will be a grown-up version of that earlier time. Until then: Hang in there!

If you have questions or concerns about your child, please don't hesitate to contact me at  781-320-7073; Mark Spence at 781-320-7158; or Mary Batty at 781-320-7072.  As always we'll be glad to advise or help out in any way we can.

Benchmarks for Healthy Adolescent Social and Emotional Development by Kate Ramsdell, Interim Dean of Students

In 2004, when I was a Class I Dean, we embarked on a review of the Class I and II years. For 18 months, a group of faculty studied the latter half of the Nobles experience, and we finished by offering recommendations to the school about how we might make changes to our program in response to our own sense of mission, the changing needs of our increasingly diverse student population, and the shifting landscape in post-secondary education. Some of these recommendations actually continue to shape the Nobles program today.

Almost a decade has passed since that study, and so we’ve reconvened a group with a similar charge. We’re in the information gathering stage, which is incredibly interesting, in part because Nobles is such a dynamic community.

During the third week in January, Mark Spence, director of counseling, and I had the opportunity to present to the committee on issues of adolescent growth and development. The information we shared will, of course, serve as a lens through which we can discuss the data we gather, both quantitative and qualitative, that will help guide our decision-making process. Indeed, what is good and healthy for our youngest students inevitably changes as they approach graduation.

We focused largely on what makes for “healthy” adolescent social and emotional development, and so I thought I’d share a few ideas here this month. Some of these benchmarks will be old news to many of you, and others may be helpful reminders of why even the most delightful preteen may evolve into an ogre by, oh, right about now.

This information comes from research done by the Johns Hopkins School of Public Health:

• Normal, healthy adolescent development is uneven and out of sync.

• With the exception of infancy, this is a time where humans develop so much in such a short period of time.

• Emotional intensity is magnified by robust neurological development.

• It is typical to gain 50% of one’s adult body weight during the teen years.

• Adolescents become biologically capable of sexual reproduction; sexual identity solidifies between ages 15-19.

• Engagement with parent(s) declines.

• Connection with friends intensifies (new and changing friendships are common).

• The desire – and need – for independence grows.

• Empathy and concern for others increases.

• Ability to be self-reflective is developed, emotional steadiness increases, ability to compromise grows.

• Risk-taking behaviors emerge; rule and limit testing is common among adolescents.

• Competence, confidence, connection, character and caring should all be nurtured and developed.

• One’s larger community plays a fundamental role in the healthy transition from adolescence to adulthood.

One of the greatest benefits of being at Nobles, at least from my perspective, is that we try to keep our eye on all of these things, while purposefully serving as a part of the “larger community” that will help all of our students grow and develop in ways that will make that transition to healthy adulthood possible.

At the end of our discussion, Mark and I also outlined the potential “interrupters” to a healthy developmental trajectory from substance abuse, to grief that goes untreated, to mental or physical health issues that could delay one’s development.

Please remember that no matter what comes up, there are so many support systems and resources in place at Nobles to help both you and your child navigate the “uneven and out of sync” years. We’re all in it together, so please don’t feel you ever have to go it alone.

Nobles Theatre Collective

Parents, are you looking for an opportunity to bring the family together for a night of laughs? The Nobles Theatre Collective will be presenting Michael Fryan's Noises Off.

This play, time and time again is referred to by audiences and reviewers as one of the funniest show they have ever seen. It is a British farce about putting on a farce, a "circus of theatrical mayhem" that takes a look into the onstage and offstage challenges of producing a play. Come see how the Nobles cast and crew handles this high energy comedic romp that revolves around impeccable timing, misunderstandings and mistaken identities. Come laugh with us!

Performances will be on Wednesday - Friday, Feb. 19-21 at 6:30 p.m. and Saturday, Feb. 22 at 2 p.m. in the Vinik Theatre. Check the upcoming Friday parents’ emails from Judith Merritt for a link to purchase tickets.

We look forward to seeing you!

Ann McSheffrey,

John DeVoy,

NTC Reps

Revisiting "The Eye of the Storm" by John Gifford, Head of Middle School

I remember how jarring “The Eye of the Storm” was when I first saw it. I was introduced to Frontline’s rebroadcast and updated version of the 1970 documentary while I was a student at Tufts University. “The Eye of the Storm” is the story of Jane Elliot’s “brown-eyed/blue eyed” exercise. Elliot was an elementary school teacher in rural Iowa. After the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr, she decided to tackle racism with her third grade class in an unusual way.

At the start of the class, Elliot informed the third graders that all those students with brown eyes were superior in every way to those with blue eyes. She then praised the brown-eyed students for their intelligence and good looks. She promised them second helpings of food at lunch and extra minutes of recess.

She sarcastically pitied the blue-eyed students for the amount of time it took them to get their books out for a lesson. The blue-eyed students were asked to wear a black collar so that, even from a distance, their “handicap” was clear for all to see.

The documentary filmmakers captured an immediate shift in how each group acted and seemed to feel. Blue-eyed students appeared crestfallen, often looking down at their desk and avoiding eye contact. Students in the dominant brown-eyed group seemed more at ease; they enjoyed the attention and privileges.

Those (very few) brown-eyed students who pushed back at the idea and defended their blue-eyed classmates were told they were wrong in a matter-of-fact tone. They gave up.

That same afternoon when the students returned from their afternoon recess, we learn that an altercation had broken out. A boy with tears in his eyes explained to Ms. Elliot that a classmate, whom he’d been good friends with in the morning, had called him “blue-eyes” and it resulted in a fist fight. The controversial activity would serve as the foundation for Elliot’s career in diversity training.

I showed parts of the documentary to my civics class on the day after Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Their first reaction was the same as mine had been some 20 years earlier. They felt that it was cruel to put these young children through such an ordeal.

For these third graders, what started out feeling like a game quickly became deeply personal and painful. Those who disapproved of Elliot’s tactics felt that the benefits of the class (which they said were hard to chart and prove) were outweighed by the possible psychological harm.

And yet students in my class also felt that it must have had an impact. One went as far to say that in spite of how difficult it would have been, she wished that she’d been through an experience like that. She felt that it would have made a lasting impression. She wondered; how could you not change the way in which you approach the world after feeling the pain of prejudice in such a visceral way?

We discussed the term “prejudice”. In common usage, the roots of pre-judging can become lost and yet that is all that it is: an act of deciding that you know another person before you really do. As with most things, it probably has its evolutionary roots in a strategy that may have proved beneficial at one point in our development. Perhaps it led our knuckle dragging ancestors to show more caution when encountering the unknown, but it feels unfair and unproductive in modern society.

Try as we might, pre-judgment happens all too easily. Perhaps with such obvious attributes as race but also with characteristics like a person’s interests or different ways of talking. Most anything that we don’t understand in another individual we seem nervous about. In the Middle School, students are both nervous about what they don’t understand and petrified to represent difference from the normal status quo.

Jane Elliot understood that there is something to the famous Sioux Indian prayer, “Great Spirit, help me never to judge another until I have walked in his moccasins”. While we don’t create an elaborate farce to illustrate our point, I suppose that Empathy Week which runs the week before March vacation includes some of the same principles. We have been running Empathy Week for over decade and while the activities have changed over time, its root goal has remained the same: to develop in students in Class Six deeper understanding of others.

Students have simulated what it must feel like to not have enough to eat (with many going home hungry) with the Oxfam Hunger Banquet. We have invited citizens currently without a safe shelter to explain the often complex series of events that lead to their homelessness. These deeply personal and “hands-on” experiences have a greater impact than an impersonal or simply academic conversation. They involve learning by doing. They demand engagement and it should be no surprise that, when done well, they can be as impactful an experience as a young person can have.

I’m excited to see how the EXCEL (Experiential & Community Engaged Learning) program at Nobles will continue to unfold. The Middle School has been a successful petri dish of experiential learning for some time. In addition to the Class Five Washington DC trip and Empathy week, projects like ‘RTW, the Solar Car project, the Who Am I? video and the archival photo project are all excellent examples of experiential soul searching and problem solving.

Without pushing too far, (as some say Jane Elliot did) I hope that the Middle School program allows students some deep introspection while dressed in some unfamiliar moccasins.

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Nobles Day Camp

Middle School Parents Reps (from left to right): Lori Giandomenico, Cindy Lawry, Julie Callaghan, and Toni Gordon

Dear Class IV families,

We have a busy month ahead, and there are several opportunities for getting on campus and being involved with the class and school. Thank you for the great enthusiasm and help we received with planning the Class IV Surprise Luncheon, to be held on Thursday, February 6. The theme is the 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics.

We will need many hands on deck on the day of the event. Any time you can give will be very appreciated. And just a reminder that this is supposed to be a surprise for the kids!

Other noteworthy days for parents and students include:

Wed., Feb. 5 – PA Meeting, 8 – 9:30 am, Castle Library

Thursday, Feb. 6 – Class IV Surprise Luncheon, 8 am – 1 pm, Castle Lower Dining Rm

Monday, Feb. 17 – NO SCHOOL, President’s Day

Tuesday, Feb. 18 – NO CLASSES, Faculty Work Day

Wednesday, Feb. 19 – Saturday, Feb. 22 – Winter Mainstage Play

Friday, Feb. 21 – Saturday, Feb. 22 – Nobles/Milton Games

Thursday, Feb. 27 – Chamber Music Concert, 7 – 9 pm

Looking ahead: Please save the date of Friday, April 25 for our Class IV Spring

Parent Social in the Nobles Castle.

As always, please feel free to be in touch with us if you have any questions or concerns.

Polly Maroni (

Heidi Raffone (

Class II Dean's Report

The second semester is off to a good start as the students have settled in nicely after a well deserved winter break. And with this semester comes the advent of the formal initiation of the college process, an obviously integral part of each student's Nobles’ experience. Each student has been assigned a college advisor with whom he will work over the course of the next year and with whom he will build an amazing relationship.

At the previous school at which I worked, one of the many responsibilities that I held was serving as a college counselor. From this perspective, I'd like to share some of the experiences that I've seen over the years.

First of all, my hope is that everyone will understand that each of your sons and daughters will have the opportunity to attend an incredible university/college once he has graduated from Nobles. And by incredible, I mean a school that is right for your son or daughter. As everyone navigates his way through the college process, my hope is that everyone will listen closely to the to our experts in the college process. No one knows more about this than they do and we’re very lucky to have such talented people working on behalf of our students.

Over the years, I've seen too many students who will tie too much of their self worth into where they will apply and subsequently be admitted to college. For those who do this and for those who are told that they are probably not going to be accepted at College X, I have seen these students have a tough time moving on to secondary choices primarily because they feel that they've let their parents down. I bring this up with the hope that this will not be the case for any of our students and with the hope that you have conveyed to your sons and daughters that you will be happy and proud of them wherever they may continue their education.

The junior year is arguably the most stressful of all the high school years as the college process becomes very real in each student’s life. As a result, students tend to be more diligent in the classroom as they feel that this has to be their most accomplished year both in the classroom and in the areas in which they have demonstrated their passions and extracurricular pursuits. My point is that with this realization, each student has already placed a lot of pressure on himself, and that at this specific time, your reassurance can only help to ensure that your son or daughter will keep things in perspective so that he is able to maximize his enjoyment of the Class II experience.

I hope that the winter is going well for you. As always, if there is anything that I can do for you or your son or daughter, please do not hesitate to contact me.

All the best,

Brian Day

Class II Dean

From the PA Co-Chairs

January was a busy month at Nobles, with the Cotting School basketball game, winter concerts, and the MLK Jr. Day of Service. There is no rest for the weary in February!

Things will be just as busy, with exciting sports contests; many PA activities, the Middle School play, Feb. 12-13; Upper School play, Feb 19-22; the long Presidents' weekend, Feb 15-18; and the winter chamber music concert, Feb 27.

Please join us for the PA meeting on Wed. Feb. 5, from 8-9:30 a.m., in the Castle Library. Our guest is Gia Batty, Learning Specialist and English teacher at Nobles. She will conduct a question-and-answer session about the Academic Achievement Center as well as her experiences in her role, and discuss other related issues parents raise.

Want to celebrate Valentine's Day with some handsome crafts? On Tues., Feb. 4, from 8-10am in the Castle Library, please join the PA for a morning of paper crafting, making cards and candy wrappers. Former Nobles librarian, Ellyses Kuan, will share with you some tips and techniques in this fun workshop. The fee will be $20. Please RSVP to Helen Goins at or 781-690-7867 by Jan. 31. We hope you will join us!

Mon., Feb. 10 is our next PA book discussion in the Castle Dining Room. Continuing the theme of adolescent wellness, we will read Top Dog: the Science of Winning and Losing by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman. Dinner is offered between 6-7pm. The kitchen closes at 7pm, and the book discussion will follow from 7-8:30pm. Please R.s.v.p. by Thurs., Feb. 6, if you would like to join us for dinner ($5.00 chit -- there is no charge for attending the book discussion only).Please R.s.v.p. to Rikki Conley ( or Dana DeAngelis (

We are offering Parent Ceramics Classes taught by the Nobles Ceramics faculty! Come discover your inner artist, or develop long-lost skills. The dates are Feb. 11, Feb. 25, and March 4 from 7-9pm. Class is limited to 14 participants. For the full session of three classes, the fee will be $75 (and includes materials). This first session will focus on hand building, to learn to make slab cups and bowls. Please email Rikki Conley ( to sign up.

We are continuing our Adult Yoga program, just in time for the beginning of the season of new resolutions! On Thursday mornings from 8:10-9:10am at the MAC, Kristie Averill, a certified Yoga instructor, will be leading a powerflow Yoga class for adults, open to those new to yoga as well as those with experience. The five-week session will begin Thurs., Jan. 30, as long as there is enough interest. Please email by Jan. 27, if you would like to participate in all or part of the session. The cost is either $20 per drop-in class, or $75 for signing up for five weeks of classes. Please pay with either cash or check (made out to Kristie). There are mats, blocks, and straps at the MAC, so all you need to bring is your water bottle!

Kristie Averill, PT, is a member of the Sports Medicine Staff at Nobles and runs the yoga program. Kristie is a 200hr certified yoga instructor for both kids and adults, and a licensed pediatric physical therapist with 20 years’ experience. Because of her background as a physical therapist, her adult classes have a strong focus on alignment and many modifications are offered for those practicing with injuries.

Get more involved with the PA! During February, we begin to look for volunteers who might like to help out with the Parents’ Association next year. Click here——and indicate what you would like to do. There is a description of each position to peruse. We welcome everyone to think about how he or she might like to participate in our very active, fun and engaging parent organization.

Have a great month and we hope to see you soon!

Rikki Conley and Dana DeAngelis

PA Co-chairs

Class III Parent Reps - Elizabeth Orgel and Betsy Edie

Dear Class III Parents and Guardians,

We hope these winter months finds you well, our holiday break seems long behind us already!  This month, there's a lot of opportunity for volunteering with some fun upcoming events for our Class III kids (Surprise Lunch, Head of School Dance)...if you can't attend the planning meetings, no worries, just contact us and let us know your interest and availability. 

A few important dates to put in your calendar:

Monday, 2/10: 8:00-9:30 am  Head of School Dance planning meeting in the Castle library
Tuesday, 2/11:  7:00-9:30 pm  Class III College Process Orientation Meeting
Wednesday-Saturday, 2/19 - 2/22:  Winter Mainstage Play "Noises Off"
Thursday, 2/27:  11:00-1:30 pm Class III Surprise Lunch (remember....don't tell!)
Thursday, 2/27:  7:00-9:00 pm  Winter Chamber Music concert

Stay warm!

Betsy Edie
Elizabeth Orgel

Class I Parent Reps (from left to right): Hillary Von Schroeter, Addie Swartz, and Beth Schlager

Dear Class I families,

We were thrilled to see some of you at our coffee graciously hosted by Hillary Von Schroeter. It was hard to believe that we were actually discussing graduation related activities but May will be here before we know it. Until then, we still have some fun activities in store for our Class I students and parents.

On Friday, Feb. 14, we will be hosting the annual Class I Valentine's Day Surprise Dessert Bar for our seniors. Volunteers will be needed to provide, set up and serve sweet treats and beverages. Click here to access the sign up genius. 

Planning is getting underway for The Way We Were, the major spring celebration kicking off graduation week. This event, scheduled mid day for Tuesday, May 27 is always a favorite and requires many enthusiastic parent volunteers. E mail event co chairs co chairs, Carol Rosner ( and Donna Mulrenan ( to volunteer and join the fun.

Further out on the horizon, we will have a final Class I surprise lunch on Tuesday, April 1 and our final Class I parent social on Friday, April 11 (please note revised date) in the Castle.

As always, feel free to reach out if you have any questions.


Beth (

Addie (

Hillary (

Class II Parent Reps: Nicole Zungoli Stimpson and Karen Conway

Dear Class II Parents and Families,

Thanks to all the parents who came to the parent coffee in January and helped plan and serve the surprise lunch.  The decorations were spectacular and we appreciate all the parent help – the kids loved the special treat.
Some dates to keep in mind this month include:
·      February 1 – 9 am to 1 pm College counseling for Class II parents
·      February 5 –  8 am PA Meeting
·      February 17 and 18th – no school
Please check the Nobles web site and Friday newsletter for any updates.
Feel free to contact us anytime for questions and we look forward to seeing you on campus.

Karen S Conway -
Nicole Zungoli Stimpson -

Class IV Parent Reps - Polly Maroni and Heidi Raffone

Dear Class IV families,

We have a busy month ahead, and there are several opportunities for getting on campus and being involved with the class and school. Thank you for the great enthusiasm and help we received with planning the Class IV Surprise Luncheon, to be held on Thursday, February 6. The theme is the 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics.

We will need many hands on deck on the day of the event. Any time you can give will be very appreciated. And just a reminder that this is supposed to be a surprise for the kids!

Other noteworthy days for parents and students include:

Wed., Feb. 5 – PA Meeting, 8 – 9:30 am, Castle Library

Thursday, Feb. 6 – Class IV Surprise Luncheon, 8 am – 1 pm, Castle Lower Dining Rm

Monday, Feb. 17 – NO SCHOOL, President’s Day

Tuesday, Feb. 18 – NO CLASSES, Faculty Work Day

Wednesday, Feb. 19 – Saturday, Feb. 22 – Winter Mainstage Play

Friday, Feb. 21 – Saturday, Feb. 22 – Nobles/Milton Games

Thursday, Feb. 27 – Chamber Music Concert, 7 – 9 pm

Looking ahead: Please save the date of Friday, April 25 for our Class IV Spring

Parent Social in the Nobles Castle.

As always, please feel free to be in touch with us if you have any questions or concerns.


Polly Maroni (

Heidi Raffone (

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Dedham, Massachusetts
tel: 781.326.3700
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